Ya know those days when all you can do is worry? And then you feel terrible for dramatizing the worry? And then you get overwhelmed because you’re so hard on yourself? And then you search for the root of the conundrum and come to the realization that you don’t know anything about anything?
Ha. I had that day. I had that day HARD.
I love setting plans. I love penciling things in. I love knowing what’s coming next. And now God is challenging me to grow by taking away all of my certainty.
A few days ago, I about melted into the pew for our FOCUS team holy hour. All I felt was weakness. “Where am I going next year? Am I staying? Leaving? Who should I begin preparing to say goodbye to? …Am I even cut out for this holy gig?!”
I looked at Jesus on the cross and I tried to surrender with everything I had in me.
I knew I needed to open the bible. But I had no clue where to turn. I usually go right to one of the big 4, Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John. But today was different.
James. James. James.
The name “James” just kept beating in my heart. I’d never read it, only bits and pieces. But I figured, why the heck not? Sometimes, we should just listen to our hearts.
I flipped to James, and God proceeded to, ever so gently, punch me in the gut. In the best way, guys. In the best way.
The very first verse of James reads,
“Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
I couldn’t help but smile. God is always listening. He always knows exactly what we need to hear. Once we start running towards Him, things are gonna get real. And it’s not an easy race. Of course it’s going to test us. But ain’t nobody got time to give up.
I continued reading and continued to get rocked…
“Come now, all you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we shall go into such and such a town spend a year there doing business, and make a profit’- You have no idea what your life will be like tomorrow.”
And there it was. Exactly what I needed to hear. Sometimes, we just need to trust that God has this. He’s GOT THIS. We have no clue what will happen tomorrow. We could get accepted to grad school. We could lose a loved one. We could meet the person we’re going to marry. We could score the winning basket. We could get lost, breakdown, breakup, find God, lose God, finally feel fully alive, or, dare I say, die. We could die.
We have no idea. No one knows. We aren’t missing out on any hidden info. We are all on the same bus driving towards the unknown. And we are altogether clueless.
But God knows. He knows and His love will console us. Always.
And there is so much peace in that.
“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior.”